“on that night, too excited to sleep, infinite possibilities seemed to swirl above me. i stared up at the plaster ceiling as i had done as a child. it seemed to me that the vibrating patterns overhead were sliding into place. the mandala of my life.” -just kids-
The past couple of weeks have been saturated with sadness,tear soaked pillows in the darkness of night,an undeniable feeling of happiness & excitement all mixed together to form a mass of confusion for myself.
Tonight I realised that I have died.Don’t start freaking the fuck out,I am still alive ok?
I mean that,I’ve come to a point where so much intense change has happened within me & around me over the past 2 and a bit years that in a way I guess I’m mourning the death of my old self. Change is constant & whether it is wanted or not,accompanying change is it’s little friend melancholy.
Looking at my life now,in this present moment & looking at my life just a few steps back into the past,it’s completely altered.I am completely new.Sure there are still fragments of my old self that remain,but generally I’m sparkly & new.I’ve left a part of myself behind,died in one life in order to enter & live a new life.And I don’t mean this in a creepy religious kind of way either ok?
Life rents us,but on the flip side we rent it too & change enables us to choose a different rental or stay in the same old one doing the same old shit until the day we die.
I’m excited about my new life,my new self,but I won’t deny the fact that it’s sad to say goodbye to the way I used to function,the people that inhabited my past & the moments that accompanied it all.
Yesterday consisted of road trippin'down south.singing along to Iggy Pop.frolicking in the sunshine.playing in the sea.sprinkled in sand.eating delicious eats at Cool Katz.Slurpee missions.drooling over beautifully shaped quad fish.relishing in the freedom & independence of single life.playing ukeleles.sharing stories.sharing gigantic hugs.letting some tears flow.laughing crazily about stupid shit.watching the sun set as we made the drive back home.
Today,a beginning dancing with the sea at 5 in the morning on an old borrowed log as the morning sun skipped across the surface of the ocean.Followed by a few moments of meditation & yoga.Inspired & soaking up the creativity that my gorgeous friends throw out into the world.Now off to work more on my new label & start a fresh commission painting for 2011.
Admittedly I am a journal/notebook/notepad whore.On my book shelf I have piles of used & unused journals & notebooks & notepads,I just love them.Especially if they're a little bit special,they might be limited edition or hand-made or designed by some underground artist...BLISS!!
I found this journal a few days ago in the TYPO store at the Sunshine Plaza in Maroochydore & it made me laugh,so I bought it.Yeah,I realise that at this very moment I'm typing away on my blog,but still...it's an awesome journal!
I stumbled upon a really great blog called NEON GYPSY.There's a piece that 'Neon Gypsy' has written & I really adore it.I thought I'd share it here with you,the piece is called 'WHAT MAKES YOU STRONGER?'
hello there lovely,
you are far too young, far too beautiful, far too wonderful to feel so broken so wake up! wake up to the birds, wake up to the sunshine, wake up to the sea solitude is not sadness, and dependence is not weakness look at yourself.look at all you are carrying, look at who you've become,and be amazed. own yourself. own everything you are, the dark and the light. there are no mistakes within people, no mistakes in your creation you are marvelously whole,and don't listen to the fools who tell you otherwise!
As horrible as the flooding has been and still is and will continue to be,the images,stories & personally being part of all the chaos crept up on me today & I feel a massive sense of pride being a Queenslander.
This natural disaster has somehow managed to bring out the awesomeness in the people of this State. People have come together,helped each other out without hesitation,strangers helping strangers,being so resilient...it honestly warms my heart to be part of a State of people who look after one another in a crisis.
I've never been so bloody proud to be a Queenslander.