sad eyes + crooked crosses.

The past couple of weeks have been saturated with sadness,tear soaked pillows in the darkness of night,an undeniable feeling of happiness & excitement all mixed together to form a mass of confusion for myself.

Tonight I realised that I have died.Don’t start freaking the fuck out,I am still alive ok?

I mean that,I’ve come to a point where so much intense change has happened within me & around me over the past 2 and a bit years that in a way I guess I’m mourning the death of my old self. Change is constant & whether it is wanted or not,accompanying change is it’s little friend melancholy.

Looking at my life now,in this present moment & looking at my life just a few steps back into the past,it’s completely altered.I am completely new.Sure there are still fragments of my old self that remain,but generally I’m sparkly & new.I’ve left a part of myself behind,died in one life in order to enter & live a new life.And I don’t mean this in a creepy religious kind of way either ok?

Life rents us,but on the flip side we rent it too & change enables us to choose a different rental or stay in the same old one doing the same old shit until the day we die.

I’m excited about my new life,my new self,but I won’t deny the fact that it’s sad to say goodbye to the way I used to function,the people that inhabited my past & the moments that accompanied it all.

But this death is a marvelous death.

Goodbye old me.