Dear 2009,
It’s taken me a bit to figure out how to write this letter to you. Whilst everybody has been happily preparing themselves this past week for a slightly messy New Years night, I’ve been trying to think of a way to make peace with you & leave you in my past where you belong.
You’ve probably been one of my most challenging years so far & to be at your last day still alive & still hovering on the edge of sane is something I can honestly be proud of.
I thought that you weren’t providing me with change, but I just wasn’t viewing you the correct way. This entire year has been about change, realisations, growing & becoming stronger within myself. You’ve thrown countless acts of cruelty at me in the form of numerous suicide attempts, 2 drug overdoses, an arm full of thick scars, litres of blood loss, numerous 000 emergency ambulance calls , heartache for my friends & family, hours in the hospital, months in psychiatric wards, sitting in vacant rooms being assessed by people who determine if I'm sane or not, bottles of pills, a pregnancy that ultimately ended in an abortion, multiple douchebags, one guy beating the shit out of me , tears , family bullshit, mind fucking, heart fucking, numbing lows, hysterical attempts to survive, emotional storms & nearly dying from THE SWINE FLU TO TOP IT OFF!? What was with that?
As much as I want to hate on you 2009, I can’t because amongst the sea of absolute pain there have emerged some really exquisite moments & people. Along with those things, I’ve been able to confront & learn from the challenges you’ve trialled me with.My perception has changed; I’ve transformed & am still in an altered state & hopefully continue to be for the rest of my life.
So as I sit here & write to you on your last day, I’m in a completely different place both physically/emotionally/spiritually, compared to your first day & for that I am forever grateful.I am loved & I continue to love.I am not just alive,but am living.I have hope again.I am stronger.I am wiser.I'm a little mental & I love it.
You were a fucking arsehole of a year, but I can’t help but love your guts 2009.Thankyou for each & every ugly moment because in the end I was able to realise its beauty.
It was nice knowing you,but I hope to never see you again.
SEEYA 2009.
Love,Millie.
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