dust of ages

Earlier I was watching teevs,something I don't really do much just because usually I'd rather be making stuff,but mindlessly sitting in front of the tv is needed sometimes I think.


Anyways,I was flicking from station to station & stopped on a portion of a show where this elderly gent sat on his back verandah & talked about his life,his wife who had passed away & the fact that he was 86 years old.


It wasn't so much his stories,but his general air of sadness that really bothered me. That heavy feeling of melancholy washes over me when I see or meet elderly people who are sad. To be that age,to have lived that long & at the end of it all be sad is...heartbreaking. I sat on the couch crying & wanting to give the old man a hug.


Life is weird like that I guess & old age is something that terrifies me. Not the fact of getting old,but being old,alone & sad. I want to be old & happy. I don't want to be an old woman tinged with sadness & regret. I want to be one of those fierce old crazy women who laughs til the very end,is surrounded by family + friends & looks back on life with a gleam in her eye.

gold + mud.

Everything is within you.

gold + mud

happiness + pain

the laughter + death

You are not too old to burn your story through paper,leaving 

thumb prints hanging from each corner.

You are not too old to read books under bed covers with a torch,or to stare

at the glow of stars above.

You are not too old to run barefoot with a smile stuck on your face,

especially when times are hard.

To make mistakes,exchange a thousand awkward words with gorgeous strangers.

To fuck up splendidly & never ever ever ever give up.

And to tell someone you love them,every day.

R.I.P Pippa ♥

• R.I.P Pippa ♥ •

Shine on you crazy little warrior lady rat.

Thankyou for being my little best friend

over the past 3 years.

the glowing eyes of the sun.

I don’t want to pass through life like a smooth plane ride. 

All you do is get to breathe and copulate and finally die. 

I don’t want to go with the smooth skin and the calm brow. 

I hope I end up a blithering idiot cursing the sun - hallucinating, screaming, giving obscene and inane lectures on street corners and public parks. 

People will walk by and say, “Look at that drooling idiot. What a basket case.” 

I will turn and say to them, “It is you who are the basket case. For every moment you hated your job, cursed your wife and sold yourself to a dream that you didn’t even conceive. For the times your soul screamed yes and you said no. 

For all of that. 

For your self-torture, I see the glowing eyes of the sun! 

The air talks to me!I am at all times!” 

And maybe, the passers by will drop a coin into my cup.

-Henry Rollins-

to me.

don't hold on,go get strong.

well,don't you know that there is no modern romance.

Hey,you look like someone who up & left me low.

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

-Neil Gaiman-

Gerard Smith

TV On The Radio bassist,Gerard Smith passed away 

yesterday after a battle with lung 

cancer at the young age of 34.

R.I.P dear man.